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Provider, Parents and Conflicts
By Sheri Karan
As child care providers, we’ve all been there. A parents comes to you and just drops some unexpected news in your lap and before you’ve had time to sit and reflect; you react, and not always positively. How can we prevent these issues from becoming a major disagreement that doesn’t further the partnership we are developing with the parents of the children in our care?
If a parent comes to you and asks for a moment of your time to discuss something, what is your first reaction? If you are hearing those words and preparing yourself for the worst, you are going to react negatively no matter what is said. The only constant thing about our business is that it could and does change every day. Allow yourself to flow with the changes more and be open to a parent approaching you no matter what the issue is. By allowing yourself to be more flexible in your thinking, you will appear more flexible to the parent. This is not saying that you need to bend and mold to a parent’s every request, but keep in mind that their lives depend on you and they will need your input about what will work and what won’t work as they are making decisions. Instead of thinking of yourselves as adversaries with only the child in common, think of yourselves as partners in the child’s life. Your roles are equally important to the child, and it is important that they see that connection as well.
By creating a working partnership in which conflicts and issues are handled openly and calmly, you are making your working environment better and parents will be more loyal to you as a provider.
If a parent does come to you with a request that may not be able to be worked out or there is a serious issue that they want to discuss with you, be open and ask them for some time. You can either set up a telephone conversation for later or set up a conference time when it is just adults and the children don’t feel torn between two of the most important people in their life. This will also give you time to prepare yourself mentally and take some notes or double-check your policies. If you have a support community to go to, talk to them. Ask other providers, while respecting the family’s privacy, how they would handle a similar situation and then evaluate where you are. Talk to the family openly and honestly and deal with whatever is before you. You will gain the family’s respect for handling it professionally and they will appreciate the time you took to really understand what the issue is you are facing.
Of course, the opposite side of this issue is for the parents having a conflict with their provider. The advice is very similar as the advice to the provider; be open and honest. If your provider changes their policies and you are concerned about the effect on your family’s child care needs, ask your provider for a time to meet and discuss this. Your provider will be appreciative of the fact that you chose to talk with them instead of reacting immediately and even going to the extreme of giving notice and finding alternate care. There may be a reason behind the policy change that is not readily apparent. Give her or him time and space to explain their actions and give all of you time to cool down. Again, doing this without the children as witnesses is crucial. Your provider is important in your child’s life and you set the tone for how he or she is viewed. If you show respect for your provider, so will your child and vice-versa.
Overall, most conflicts between parents and providers are the result of one thing; lack of communication. Parents and providers who communicate openly and regularly have fewer problems. Use your drop-off and pick-up times to talk to the parents, and for parents to talk to you. Don’t use that time as a negative feedback of every thing the child did wrong all day. That puts the parents in a negative mood and not very ready to talk about the day you need off next month. Try and put yourself in each other’s shoes for a minute or two and approach your communications from there. You may find that the problems that seemed insurmountable are really just miscommunications!
